Emilie Kiser had just started decorating her home for Halloween when grief hit her.
Among boxes of ghost-shaped trinkets, witch figurines and pumpkin pillows, she found her late son's trick-or-treating bag.
"I feel like it wouldn’t be authentic of me if I just kept decorating without saying that I’m sad," a visibly emotional Kiser said before going on to finish adorning her home in a video posted on TikTok on Oct. 15.
Five months earlier, the 26-year-old's social media feeds featured glimpses of her days as a young mom: clips of her two sons, morning coffees and daily routines. Life was busy, but full, and her millions of followers either related or felt connected to Kiser because of it.
But then tragedy struck.
On May 18, Kiser's 3-year-old son Trigg died after a drowning accident at their home in Chandler, Arizona. In the months that followed, Kiser went quiet on social media as she sued to conceal records and officials investigated the incident. Now that both cases have been resolved, Kiser has slowly returned to her platform since late September.
But Kiser's content has subtly shifted. Trips to therapy, new hobbies and moments of grief are woven into her daily vlogs where Trigg and her younger son Teddy once were.
Her followers have noticed: "Sending you love," "we missed you," "you're so strong," they write in the comments. Kiser has made note of the response, too.
"From being back on social media I've just gotten so many supportive and loving comments people who are on similar journeys whether they've lost children or they've lost another family member, a parent, a friend," Kiser said in a video about a grief retreat posted on Oct. 28.
Kiser's team did not respond to USA TODAY's request for an interview for this article.
Emilie Kiser's social media provides validation for others experiencing grief, therapist says
While grief is an individual journey, loss is universal. Because Kiser has openly talked about her experience with grief on a large platform, she is likely helping show solidarity to others on similar grieving journeys, said psychiatrist Dr. Tamir Aldad.
"One thing that's really important with grief is processing. That's why you're seeing such a positive response to her social media is because she's providing validation," Aldad said.
Group therapy settings, such as the grief retreat Kiser spoke about, are common for people processing death. Because social media offers a sense of community, Kiser's platform may emulate an experience similar to that of group therapy, Aldad said.
"At the core, and especially early on, you just want to listen and you want to reassure them that what they're feeling is appropriate and normal, and a lot of people get that from these groups, and now a lot of people are getting that from her," Aldad said.
A look at Kiser's social media comments points to the validation that Aldad mentioned.
"I relate on the exact same level," one commenter, who said her son died weeks before Kiser's, wrote on the video of her finding Trigg's trick-or-treating bag. The commenter also told Kiser she deserves to grieve how she wants to as she's "learning to do the same."
Kiser replied, "I hope you are getting through the days as best as you can and I am here for you."
There are hundreds more comments like it.
"You are doing the bravest and most real thing on the internet. Thank you for being here with us and for us even in your pain," one person wrote.
Another observed, "Sharing this can’t be easy… but I read your comments constantly and see all the other moms your helping. You are such a inspiration."
'You are not seeing the full scope of things'
But just as social media offers a space of support, it can also spark unwanted criticism.
Despite setting boundaries about the extent she shares of her family life online, Kiser's return to social media has been met with some questioning how she shows her grief.
"Everyone is entitled to say what they want about my grief journey, my behavior, but I also want to give you the perspective that no matter what, you are not seeing the full scope of things," Kiser said in a video posted on Oct. 13 addressing criticism. "I'm sharing the moments that I can bear to film and that I want to film because it kind of helps me step out of my reality for a second."
She also emphasized that she is only sharing a "small sliver" of her life, which doesn't include content about her two sons.
"I'm not ready to talk about other things. And that is OK. Those are the things that I am unpacking in my therapy sessions and with professionals and with my family. Those are not things that I think I should be coming on the internet and unpacking with millions of people," she said.
Aldad cautions people not to pass judgment about someone else's grief, because everyone's journey is different. However, he also emphasized how the influencer-follower relationship can negatively impact the grieving process.
"I think from the perspective of a consumer or a follower, it's just important to be critical of what you're consuming and if it's making you feel good, it's serving its purpose, that's great," Aldad said. "If you're finding yourself critical of the influencer or you feel the influencer is critical of you, I would discontinue that engagement."
Strategies for managing grief
For those who, like Kiser, are grieving the death of a child or another loss, Jenny Yip, a clinical psychologist, shared with USA TODAY these tips:
- Give yourself permission to grieve: There is no "right" way to mourn. Allow your emotions, even the ones that scare you, to come and go without judgment.
- Seek compassionate support to circumvent feelings of isolation: A therapist or support group can provide a safe space to process feelings and connect with others who understand this unique pain.
- Honor your child’s memory even though it may feel hard initially: Small rituals, such as lighting a candle, creating a scrapbook, or dedicating a day of service, can help parents stay connected while fostering healing.
- Take care of your physical body: Grief is exhausting. Try to eat, rest, and move, even in small ways. The body holds grief, and caring for it gently supports recovery.
- Allow time for healing as there’s no finish line: Some days will feel unbearable, others more peaceful. Over time, moments of light will return, because love remains despite the pain.
